"How to Live Vicariously Through Your Resentments" by Anonymous

"What if's" are starting up. And I'm not sure they're the bad kind of "what if's". Like What if, I start a page for and to Athena? What if I tell her everything about who she is, where she comes from, why I chose to have her and her brother even against the odds? What if I actually decide to do something constructive with this pain, instead of all this self absorbed, self defeating, self pity? What if, in spite of the injustices against me and my family, something positive eventually came out of it all? And what if through some psychic shift in the universe, I was to heal and really good stuff began to happen as a result? My anger has kept me alive for so long. Anger over moms Alzheimers, dad's death, my brother not being a part of my life. Then my children and their father. What if there is a god that intervenes on my behalf? Why hasn't he all those times I asked? It makes no sense. I believe it's time to try something different, because I can't handle this anger much longer. Anger that I didn't even know was there three weeks ago. Anger that is destroying my 'today' day after day, and has left no room for joy to reside amidst the enchanted chaos of a time in my sons life that once gone, will never be here again.